The Most Forgettable Movies of All Time
There are good movies. There are bad movies. And then there are the ones that just aren't . . . anything. Here is a list compiled by a group of friends and I, in no order, of movies you should have forgotten by now.
- Bebe's Kids -- Dont' ask.
- Tom Cats -- I saw this two weeks ago. I'm already trying to forget.
- Warriors of Virtue -- a kid falls into a big vat of water, thus bringing him into a world where magical kangaroos (is that what they are?) teach him about the values of standing up for himself. Really. It has one good line, though: "Let's make like Tom and cruise."
- The Phantom -- a movie about a superhero that wears lavender.
- Carnosaur -- the worst dinosaur movie ever. Basically, it was a bunch of scenes of a dinosaur pulling out people's entrails (which looked strangely like rubber gardening hoses) with its teeth.
- KaZam. . . or was that ShaZam? -- Shaquille O'Neal plays a magical genie who helps out a disatisfied kid.
- Mousehunt -- How bad can you screw a movie up? This was an overpublisized "children's movie" with people eating rat droppings and a guy talking about his sex life! There is no excuse for this movie! It wasn't funny, it wasn't wholesome, and the best scenes in the T.V. commercials aren't even in the movie!
- The Rocketeer -- it was a good movie, a good soundtrack . . . but do you remember it?
- The Pagemaster -- another good movie, but just doesn't click for some reason. Worth seeing, anyway.
- Lost in Space (the new one) -- Okay, let me try to get this one right . . . It sure ain't easy . . . There's this villian, and an annoying child with parents that do something that I can't remember . . . Anyway, what happens is, in an alternate reality, the child's parents are killed, and the child is left in a deserted world with the villian. And so, without a grudge, the villian lovingly takes the child under his wing, teaching the boy everything he needs to know about life, all those important little "growing up" lessons. He feeds the child, clothes him, does everything that a good father should. But then, the parents find the alternate reality in which the child is kept in such good care. They see the "villian" and say something like, "wait a minute - you're EVIL!" And the villian gives this expression like "oh, dang, I knew someone would figure that out!" while running from the child, who now hates him for being evil. So what was he doing that was so "evil" all those years? Was he cooking "evil" dinners for the child? Was he giving him "evil" hugs every time the child met some new life struggle and felt too small? Does no one here believe in change?
- Home Alone 2 or 3 -- Same movie, different title! One movie for the price of . . . two movies! Do I need an entry? Don't you believe me without reading this?
- Double Dragon -- Possibly the most forgettable movie of all time. Was it good? Was it bad? It doesn't matter, because NO ONE REMEMBERS IT! I seriously doubt the people who made it can even remember it. This movie could have contained the cure to Cancer, and the world still wouldn't know it, because . . . NO ONE REMEMBERS IT!
- Gordy (the Talking Pig) -- Remember when Babe came out? Remember how there was this other movie about a talking pig? That's Gordy. It's the story of how a young girl country star befriends a talking pig to keep her company on the road. Or something like that. I can't remember. You can't possibly expect me to go rent something that bad just to check. Also, there's a kid in it named Hanky.
- SPECIAL ENTRY! -- For reasons of space, time, and sanity, I have decided to make a special, one-entry section for one of, if not the most, gargantuan source of forgettable movies: any movies with dogs. This is indeed a vast, untapped collection of movies stored somewhere in the back of your head. These movies probably number in the billions, though no one is sure, because no one can remember them. This section includes countless movies, ranging from the immortal Turner and Hooch to the instantly-classic Air Bud series. I have heard some claims that the government uses all the copies of Air Bud that were released to improve insulation in the Pentagon's attic. But you didn't hear that from me.
- Big O -- obviously, whoever named this T.V. series was not thinking. No, it's not obscene, it's not even good, really, it's just an anime knock-off of Batman the Animated Series. Admittably, this show actually has one or two VERY good episodes, but the rest are just . . . I've never seen an episode where Big O isn't fighting that same Tim Burton throw-back of a villian, that mummy with the pointy fingers. And who exactly is that one guy in the background doing the music? Every time something mysterious happens, he goes over to a piano and hits a few keys, then gets up and walks across the room to play the synthesizer when he senses an action scene coming. And doesn't that old man look a little too much like Alfred? Ever notice that even the lighting is like Batman? I've been told that both shows were made by the same company, but is that any excuse for THIS?
E-MAIL THE AUTHOR TO SUGGEST YOUR OWN FORGETTABLE MOVIES. And no, nothing that makes over 3 million dollars is forgettable, so don't suggest anything high-profit, with the exception of sequels.
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